Wednesday, October 18, 2006

As if we needed more reasons to laugh at public education

Remember playing dodgeball in elementary school? Maybe you were the kid that got whacked in the face with the ball, or maybe you were the one who threw it. Either way, I doubt the experience enhanced or damaged your life in any real tangible way. Yet, not so long ago, schools everywhere banned the game because it was considered "exclusionary" and "dangerous".

Since then, we've all laughed at that sort of thing, but it's come back around and this time it has taken aim at something even more harmless: Tag.

ATTLEBORO, Mass. (AP) -- Tag, you're out! Officials at an elementary school south of Boston have banned kids from playing tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chase game during recess for fear they'll get hurt and hold the school liable.

Recess is "a time when accidents can happen," said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.

I'd like to call for a show of hands of all the people who have been irreparably harmed by something that happened at recess. Anyone? Bueller?

Seriously folks, it's time we find these people who have the time to pontificate about the benefits of banning games like tag and dodgeball and remove them from the food chain. Is this what they're training future teachers and school administrators at teacher colleges these days?!

I guess it's time to go study up on home schooling - at this rate, my one-year-old will be eating tofu for snack and meditating at recess to avoid personal injury.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

And this would be why we're alone in the universe (so far)

Some dork in the Ukraine thinks this is high fashion. A buddy of mine told me this weekend that art is "an independent voice", and so this must really be art. There can't be another person on the planet that's singing this tune.

This is why beings from beyond our planet have quietly passed us by. They've slipped into our solar system and tuned into the electromagnetic waves that flow from Earth. After bouts of hysterics, they've pointed their star compasses in the opposite direction and kept on trucking.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Sorry guys, you can't have it both ways

They squawked when he called them a part of the "Axis of Evil", and now they're angry because he hasn't done anything about them.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Democrats seized on North Korea's brazen act to criticize President Bush's record in confronting the communist regime, contending the administration's focus on Iraq ignored legitimate threats.

Democratic Sen. John Kerry, the president's rival in 2004 and a potential 2008 candidate, assailed Bush's policy as a "shocking failure," and said, "While we've been bogged down in Iraq where there were no weapons of mass destruction, a madman has apparently tested the ultimate weapon of mass destruction."


Sen. Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, the Senate's second-ranking Republican, accused Democrats of playing partisan politics with a nuclear weapons threat. "Listening to some Democrats, you'd think the enemy was George Bush, not Kim Jong Il," he said.

Well, which is it, fellas? The rhetoric coming from the lefties would lead you to believe that George gave them the bomb, but anyone with a brain knows that this is a worldwide diplomatic issue.

What worries me most is not the bomb itself, but rather its timing and the Democratic response - there is obviously a partisan political element to both.

Everyone send Mr. Steinbrenner a hanky

The New York Yankees have been to the World Series so many times that it just isn't funny, but Mr. George Steinbrenner is really upset that they aren't headed there in 2006.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said he was "deeply disappointed" at his team's elimination in the first round of the AL playoffs, calling it a "sad failure."


"I am deeply disappointed at our being eliminated so early in the playoffs," Steinbrenner said in a statement issued Sunday by spokesman Howard Rubenstein. "This result is absolutely not acceptable to me nor to our great and loyal Yankee fans. I want to congratulate the Detroit Tigers organization and wish them well. Rest assured, we will go back to work immediately and try to right this sad failure and provide a championship for the Yankees, as is our goal every year."

So throwing $194.6 million at your players isn't a guarantee of a championship any more.

I wonder how long it will be before Wal-Mart is blamed for this...